maspier

The closing of the Stoneybrook Message Board changed things for Mary Anne. Without that link, she drifted further away from Stoneybrook. She went there to visit on holidays and special occasions, but she felt her home was in New York City. This eventually led to the end of her relationship with Cary. After the breakup, Mary Anne decided to focus on her studies for the remainder of college. That didn't work out when she and her friend Duncan realized there was a chemistry between them they had to explore. They were lovers for two years and mutually broke up when Duncan got the opportunity to spend the year aboard in Italy. By taking summer courses, Mary Anne managed to graduate a year early. Realizing she would get too involved with her potential patients lives if she became a therapist, Mary Anne decided to go another route and applied to Columbia's Graduate Program in Psychology. She got accepted. It was a challenging yet fulfilling five years for her. After receiving her Ph.D., Mary Anne was offered a teaching position at UCLA. It was an incredible opportunity she couldn't refuse.

Moving to California was something Mary Anne never expected to do, but the unexpected was a part of life. She had learned to embrace it over the years and was thankful she did. Two months after she arrived in Los Angeles, Mary Anne bumped into Pete Black at the grocery store. They restarted their friendship again and eventually started to date. Mary Anne moved in with Pete and Isabelle a year and a half after Pete and her bumped into each other. They got married six months later. Eight months after the wedding, Mary Anne gave birth to a baby girl she and Pete named Alma after her late mom. During the first two months of Alma's life, Pete and Mary Anne realized they wanted to be closer to their families. They moved their family to New York City where they live to this day.

Things have been really busy for me this semester. I've hardly had the time to read a non-class related book, let alone the time to be online and update my neglected journal. I've been enjoying my classes though. I'm glad I decided on Psychology for my major. I'm still deciding my career path, but I'm leaning toward becoming a therapist like Dr. Reese.

Spring break is coming up soon. I'm looking forward to it. I'll be going to Florida with my friends Eve, Denise, and Duncan. I probably should have planned on going to Stoneybrook to visit, but I need a break from everything. Including the discomfort I feel when I think about going back there.

I'm thinking about taking some classes this summer. It's something I really want to do.

I need a break from endless studying and I certainly don't want a painful death.


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Mary Anne
2. MA
3. Mar

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. foreverthetig
2. ilovetigger
3. maluvslogan

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I'm a good listener
2. My open-mindedness
3. I care about others

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I take things too personally
2. I put other people before myself
3. The fact that I don't remember much of my birth mother

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Dutch
2. German
3. English

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Fires
2. Being alone
3. Non-tolerant people

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Dr. Pepper
2. Nachos
3. Music

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. navy blue pajama pants
2. a matching tank top
3. my cat slippers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS:
1. The Corrs
2. Clay Aiken
3. Maroon 5

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Collide- Howie Day
2. Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson
3. Follow Through- Gavin DeGraw

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Take a creative writing class
2. Fulfill one of my secret desires
3. Do something completely reckless

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (BESIDES LOVE):
1. Passion
2. Trust
3. Honesty

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: In no particular order...
1. I miss Stoneybrook.
2. I love New York.
3. I might have feelings for someone that isn't Cary or Pete for that matter.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Their eyes.
2. Their arms.
3. Their ass.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Sing karaoke
2. Have an abortion (although I'm pro-choice, I wouldn't have one myself)
3. Not feel horrible when I do something that isn't so nice

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing
2. Knitting
3. Reading

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Shop for Christmas presents
2. Rewatch the Princess Diaries 2
3. Eat breakfast

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Family Therapist
2. Guidance Councilor
3. Psychology Professor

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Paris
2. London
3. San Francisco

THREE KIDS' NAMES:
1. Alma Victoria
2. Catherine Elizabeth
3. Michael Anthony

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Find true love
2. Have a family
3. Go to Europe

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1. Logan
2. Cary
3. Dawn


It's been a while since I've written in here and I'm apologize for it.

I had managed to keep my mind off of memories of the fire for most of last week. I visited Cokie at the hospital on Tuesday, did a lot of reading on Wednesday, and spent time at the mall with Jeff on Thursday. I woke up early Friday morning because of a nightmare and I couldn't go back to sleep. The fire was all I could think about. It was like I was reliving it again. That how intense the memories were. I spent most that day holed up in my room. I hate going through this every year. I just hate it.

Tomorrow I'll be graduating from high school. This is such an emotional time for me. It keeps me from thinking about the fire too much. I hope I have enough boxes of Kleenex.

I have to say my senior year didn't go the way I expected it to go. It certainly had it's share of drama. All I went through made me stronger. I'm a survivor. I didn't really realize it before.

I'm going to miss everybody so much especially Dawn and Logan. And Cary, Kristy, and the rest of the BSC as well. Pete, too, even though we'll both be at NYU. I'm even going to miss Cokie Mason believe or not.

Things I Should Do Before Graduation
-have a talk with my dad
-try to make up with Kristy
-figure out a way to get back into the BSC

Things I Should Do After Graduation
-visit the NYU campus
-get to know my step-brother better
-try not to think about the fire too much

I was voted Most Studious by my fellow classmates. What the hell is up with that? If I was expecting something (which I wasn't), it would have been Most Sensitive. How on earth does someone who had cut some classes this year get Most Studious?

In other news, Dawn got into a holistic school in Stamford that focuses on massage therapy. I was the second one she told. For some reason she told Alan Gray of all people about it. She was really worried about how her parents (especially her dad) and grandparents would react. I did my best to reassure her, but she's got some issues about the way she ended up back in Stoneybrook. I have no idea if she has told them yet. I know Mom will be supportive and I'm pretty sure her dad will be to. My dad on the other hand I'm not so sure about.

Remember when I mentioned that Logan wanted to talk to me. Well we met up and had ice cream. He asked me if I wanted to go to Prom as friends. Although I may not be in love with him anymore, Logan is pretty special to me so I agreed. Logan then told me he was gay. I had an ice cream cone in my hand at the time. Needless to say, the cone ended up on the ground. I also learned that he's seeing Byron Pike. I was shocked, but I quickly got over it. I must have since when I heard Logan say that he wished Byron could be there so they could have a dance, I started to plan a way to give Logan a special Prom moment with Byron.

I had to figure out a way to get Byron to the Prom. Luckily Dawn didn't have any plans, so I asked her if she would ask Byron. I tried to explain why without outing either him or Logan. She agreed though and after school we met up with Byron in front of the cafeteria. I had to assure him that no one would figure anything out before he would say yes. He decided to tell Dawn that he was gay. Dawn being Dawn told him that she didn't care about that.

After school today I went to the hotel where the Prom is being held to find a private spot for Byron and Logan. At first, I couldn't find anyplace good enough. I was about to go through the embarrassing ordeal of a renting a room when I found the perfect place, a little room near the bathrooms. It's private, it's easy to get to without raising suspicion, and it's close enough that the Prom music can be heard. I know for a fact that the room isn't being used so nobody will walk in unannounced. (It kind of helps to be there around the same time as some of the Prom committee members.) I'm going to pull it off. Logan is going to be so surprised. I'm really happy to be doing this for him. He deserves this so much.

This is the first Study Hall in ages that I didn't have any studying to do. It feels weird. I got a pass to use the computers in the library instead of sitting around in the classroom.

I can't believe that it's May already. Graduation is almost here. Earlier this year when things were awful, I would have been thrilled that it was coming. Now I'm not and I'm not really sure why.

May also means that Prom is coming. I don't think I'll be going to it. I've ruined my two chances for a date and I'm not comfortable going by myself. I'm not sure if I want to go with just anyone anyway. Prom should be something you spend with someone special.

I'm going to ask my dad if we could spend the day together on Saturday so we can talk, something I should have done ages ago. I wonder what that's going to be like. I just hope things go well.

It's been a while, but with school work, the little amount of babysitting I've been doing, and being a stage manager for the musical, I've been too busy to update.

Dawn and I made up over Spring Break. Mom locked us in Dad's study and told us the only way out was for us to at least reach an understand. That is so Mom. I'm glad she did it though. The best part about the whole thing is that we started talking again. I've really missed talking to her. I miss talking to Kristy too, but I don't know how to start trying to make things better with her. I don't want to declare it a lost cause, but I'm afraid that's what it might be and it makes me sad.

I got accepted to the other two colleges I applied to (Columbia and Bryn Mawr), but my heart is telling me to go to NYU, so that's where I'm going. I'm really excited about going to college in New York City. It bothers Dad though. I think he would have been happy if I went to Bryn Mawr since it is a women's college. We are long overdue for a talk. I better suggest a father/daughter day before Mom decides to lock us up in the study until we've talked.

I hardly notice when I'm busy, but when I seem to have some spare time on my hands I realize how lonely I am. I don't spend as much time as I used to with my friends. I barely have the time to spend with them. At least when I was with the BSC I would be able to see them out of school for a half hour. I miss those meetings.

Speaking of my friends, Logan wants to hang out sometime soon and talk. He told me not to worry, which caused me to start worrying. I don't think I'll be able to stop until we talk.

I think I might have made a mistake emailing the BSC members Wednesday. Claud, Mal, Stacey, Abby, and Shannon all asked if I would be rejoining the BSC. I want to go back. I really do, but I don't think I can handle going to the meetings when things with Kristy and Dawn are the way they are. One of them yes, but not both at the same time. Reconciliation with either of them is unlikely at this point. I don't know what to do.

Jeff is moving back to Stoneybrook. Talk about totally unexpected. I'm not sure if this is the best time for him to be coming back. My relationships with both Dawn and my dad are strained right now which I know is upsetting Sharon. Although things are slightly better between Dad and myself than they were in January, our relationship hasn't been what it used to be. Maybe having Jeff back is what the Schafer-Spier family needs to relieve the tension.

I miss them. By them I mean Jamie and Lucy Newton, the Perkins girls, the Marshall girls, and the other kids the BSC sit for. I knew that I would eventually miss sitting for them, I didn't think it would take me so long. Between homework and stage managing, I haven't had much time for anything else this week.

It turns out that Dawn was aware that Cam Geary was here in Stoneybrook. She bumped into him at the hallways of SHS and didn't even tell me. I know we technically aren't speaking to one another, but I would have told her anyway if the situation was reverse. At least I think I would have.

Right now, I'm watching Murray Black. He's doing his homework. Mrs. Black assured me that either her or Mr. Black would be home in time for me to make the quick trip to SHS for play rehearsals. I've got to go back to sitting now.

Cam Geary posted at the message board and he is the new drama teacher as SHS. I can't believe it! That is so awesome.

On Saturday I went over to Pete's house to talk to him about everything. We were alone since his parents went to take Murray shopping for new clothes. We talked and started kissing. It was all going so well until Pete pulled back. He started babbling out stuff. I didn't understand most of it, but I got the general gist of it. Apparently being in love with me isn't healthy for him. He told me he would have done anything in the world for him and that he realized that isn't good for him. I ran out of the room before he could say anything else. I didn't want to hear it. I managed to get safely in my room before I started to cry. I spent the rest of the night crying about what might have been. I then made the decision not to dwell on it anymore. What good would it have done? For the rest of the weekend, I went though my old Cam Geary tapes. It had been a couple of years since I've watched them. I had forgotten how dreamy he is. It was a nice nostalgia trip for me to the days when things weren't as complicated as they are now.

Time to get ready for school.

Wow, two entries in one day. That hasn't happened in a awhile.

Dawn is my sister and I love her. Although we live in the same house the distance between Dawn and myself is huge. Mom is bothered by it. I think my dad and Tiggy are too. This is the longest time Dawn and I have ever been mad at each other. I'm not even sure the rift can be repaired now. Sometimes I wonder how things between us would have been if she went back to California after winter break. I honestly believe with all my heart that things between us would have been a lot better. I miss talking to her sometimes.

This has been the first time I've had time to update. Homework has been keeping me busy. Luckily things have been slowing down a bit.

I have some good news. I am officially ungrounded. Finally. Technically, I guess I have been ungrounded for a couple of weeks now, but that was for a trail period so I kept quiet about it. Thankfully my dad was pleased with the results of that and decided to make it official. I'm free. It's a wonderful feeling.

Abby and I did spend a day in NYC the day after Valentine's Day. We had a blast. During that trip, I made a decision about Pete. I want to try being more than just friends with him assuming he wants the same thing. I hope he still does.

It looks like I'll be helping out with the Spring Musical. I have to do it as a requirement for my drama class. There is no way in hell I'm going to audition for it, so I'm going to have to do something backstage related instead.

I'm not at school, but I'm not at home either. I needed a break from everything so I drove to this funky diner outside of Stoneybrook. I'm writing from my laptop and listening to Michelle Branch through my earphones. As long as I order something occasionally, the people who own the place won't throw me out.

The homework is piling up. I've never written so much before in my life. I'm trying to get used to it for college, but it's so overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. The whole family situation isn't helping matters. I won't go into detail right now. Poor Tiggy is distressed over the whole thing. I want to make his happy home secure for him again, but I don't think I can right now.

I want to spend a day in New York City, maybe this Sunday. I just want a day where people won't give me strange looks whenever I walk past them. A little anonymity would be nice for once. I wonder if anybody wants to come with me. I might go ask on the message board.

Valentine's Day is coming up this week. It looks like I'll be spending the day watching my dvds of classic movies. I could have had a date, but I screwed things up majorly.

I could kill Mrs. Prezzioso (not really, but you know what I mean). She actually posted on the message board. Not only did she scold Kristy and the rest of the BSC, she actually told them her plans to call me first and recommended that the other parents to do the same thing. Kristy, as you could imagine, was pissed about it. I got a nasty email from her. ( What the email said. )
She makes me so mad. How could she think I'd do something like client stealing on purpose? All I told Mrs. Prezzioso was that I wouldn't be around to babysit since I quit the Baby-sitters Club. Jenny, who was overhearing, got upset since she's developed an attachment to me over the years. I calmed Jenny down and Mrs. Prezzioso said that she would be calling me first. I had no idea that she would be posting on the message board. If I had, I would have talked her out of it.

On Thursday I sat for Murray Black. It was my last BSC related job. Murray is a great kid and after he did his homework we played a couple of games of UNO and then went outside for a few minutes. He really took a shine to me. When Mrs. Black came home, we had a slightly uncomfortable conversation until Murray came in. To make a long story short, I am now Murray Black's permanent sitter on Thursdays. Mrs. Black told me that she would cancel any other appointments she had made with the BSC. I hope the rest of the BSC don't think I deliberately stole the job away from them especially after the great Prezzioso fiasco. Murray just got slightly attached to me and I couldn't say no to him. Neither could Mrs. Black. I seriously doubt Pete could have either. A certain big-mouthed former best friend of mine is just going to have to accept it.

I had the strangest encounter with Stacey at school last week. I'm really worried about her. So much has been happening to her lately. I don't know how much more she can take without breaking. I feel terrible about adding on to the list of things that have happened. I've got to do something to make it up to her. I'll brainstorm later.

I had dinner with Abby at the Argo on Friday. She asked me why I quit the BSC. I promised her that I'd explain it to her later. I hadn't intended to confide in her with my confusion about my feelings with Pete. She's a good listener when given the chance. I'm glad I decided to give her one.

I guess I better get started on my homework. ::sighs:: Time to go.

*takes a series of several deep breaths to calm down*

I can't believe I just did that!

This is the first time all weekend that I wasn't crying or sleeping. I'll get to that in a few minutes, first a recap of what happened before the worst afternoon in my life so far in 2004.

On Tuesday, I had coffee with Ashley Wyeth after school. Technically, I'm supposed to go straight home after school unless I have a sitting job or SADD club meeting, but neither Mom or Dad get home from work until 5:00. I wanted to see what would have happened if I didn't come straight home. It turns out nothing. For someone with a complete lack of trust in me, my father sure doesn't check up on me at all. Anyway, having coffee with Ashley was refreshing. It was nice to spend time with someone who didn't treat me like I committed a horrible crime or something. I hope we can do it again soon.

The rest of the school week went by smoothly. The school gossips latched onto the Claudia/Andi incident and took advantage of the fact that neither of them would be at school. I'm sorry that the incident had to happen in the first place, especially where Stacey is concerned, but I'm sort of glad it did because it took the attention off of me. Isn't that just terrible?

I really don't want to talk about what happened after school on Friday right now, but I'm forcing myself to do so. I'm still stunned that it happened in the first place. I can't believe that Kristy and I had the awful fight. The worst part was when I quit the Baby-sitters Club. *sighs as the tears start to fall again* I just can't write about it now.

I'd never thought I would say this, but I can't wait for Cokie Mason to finally come back to school. Apparently nothing really happened to anyone this break, since people are still gossiping about what happened between me and Pete. Cokie and her lip job should take some of the attention (hopefully all of the attention) off of us.

( Survey that's been going around. )